Dating And Statistics

A growing number of men and women are using online dating to find their romantic partners. Let's run some numbers, shall we?

Statistics show that close to 48% of American men and 58% women are into online dating.

Skinny or Curves?

It may surprise some women that studies show that men are more attracted to the average female figure, as opposed to skinnier women.

Looks Vs. Personality

67% of single American men and 86% of single American women would pick a person with a big and honest smile than someone with great looks and a poor personality. What other factors are taken into consideration when picking the right date online? Statistics show that intelligence, self-confidence, optimistic attitude, and having the same hobbies/interests are of utmost importance.

Age

The same studies show that men prefer women who are a little bit older than them as opposed to younger women.

First Dates

According to another survey, 51% of single men had over six first dates in just a year. While 58% of single women on the other hand, had just about four dates in a year. Statistics show that 48% of first-dates usually end with a kiss and over 90% of single men/women were quite nervous about making their first kiss.

Money

51% of American men spend over $100 a month on dates, 29% spend over $150, while 2/3 of women spend $50 or less in a month.

No Chemistry? Letting Them Down Softly

So you dated this person for a while, and you finally realized that it's just not going anywhere and there is no romantic future for you two. What do you do now?

While you don't want to hurt his or her feelings, you need to come across with enough clarity that she or he gets the message. How do you achieve this? It's easier said than done.

Remember that if you aren't happy in a relationship, chances are your partner senses that and they are not happy either. How can you tell a partner that you do not have the feelings for them necessary for the relationship you are seeking, without hurting them... but that's not possible! If they care for you, they are going to be hurt. But there are far too many cases of people holding on to unsatisfactory relationships just because they don't know how to put an end to it. Life is too short to fall into this trap.

So how can you do what you need to do, to break up with a partner, with respect, and spare their feelings as much as possible.

Be honest
Don't make up stories that you think will ease the process of breaking up. Sooner or later the truth will come up and your ex-partner will get (rightfully) angry at you for lying.

Even if it seems harder to do so, coming clean with the reasons you want to break up will yield the best results in the end.

Think about it this way. If it was you, wouldn't you want to know why your partner decides to leave you? You could use this information for self improvement, and to choose more wisely your next dating prospect. Right? So why deny this information to your future ex-partner?

Be specific
Please don't bring up the overused "it's not you, it's me" line. It will make you look dishonest even if you mean it in a truthful way.

If what you mean by this is that you feel that you are not ready for a stable and committed romantic relationship, you should be clear about it.

Whatever the reason, be concise and specific. Otherwise your partner will think you are just bringing up some common breakup line because you are not into them.

Be firm
Getting over an "ex" is hard enough to do. Don't give her or him false hopes out of guilt or sympathy. If you feel bad about your future ex-partner, creating false hope for him or her is only going to make it worse. It also opens the door to attempts at manipulating you, which will only lead to frustration for both of you and ongoing problems for you.

Be gentle
Being firm means being assertive. In other words, communicating the message with no room for confusion. It does not mean being rude!

At all times, keep in mind that you may be causing a lot of pain to the other person, so be assertive but as gentle as you can in the way you pick your words.

Expect some storm
No matter how much you try, how gentle, assertive, honest and clear you are with your partner. Breaking up is most likely going to be a process with a varying degree of conflict. Your job is to keep it as civilized as possible and to make the other person feel the lowest possible level of frustration.

Know ahead, however, that 99% of the times there will be frustration, tears and recriminations. It is only natural. Hey, we never said it was going to be easy!

It's The Headline!

You already know the importance of using a good image in your profile. Let's continue on the topic of making a good impression on potential future partners. Have you put much thought into your dating profile headline?

Many people run out of inspiration when they're writing their profile headline and simply add a silly sentence such as, "Hi, get to know me, I might be the one," or even worse, "Hello!" An uninteresting headline may turn people away from your profile.

It is important that you put some thought into your dating headline. It's your introduction. People browsing profiles are probably going to spend only a few seconds checking out your profile, and if all you gave them was a "Hello", then you are not going to hear from too many people.

You need to grab peoples' attention, show something of your personality, and spark curiosity.

Here are some pointers to keep in mind when you're writing your headline.

Avoid Common Phrases

"I may be the one", "Looking to meet new people", "Get to know me" are far too common and overused headlines. You don't want this.

Remember that there are thousands of people that you are competing with to find their other half, so you should use a little creativity if you want to really stand out in the crowd.

Of the following headlines, which one is most likely to grab your attention and make you want to find out more about the person who wrote it?

"Hello there!"
"Looking for a fresh start "
"I Would Like To Meet Fun People"
"Don't Worry: I Will Tell Your Parents We Met At College"

Three of the headlines are boring and overused. But the fourth one will definitely spark curiosity in most readers. Using humor in your headline never hurts. It's funny in a clever way.

Analyze The Cool Headlines

Just go and browse some profiles on your favorite dating website. Glance through the headlines quickly until one of them grabs your eye. Then analyze why it caught your attention. Was it funny? Funny how? Was it ironic/mysterious/poetic/philosophical?

Why did it stand out? Write down the example and your notes on a piece of paper. You can use these notes to come up with your own dating headline.

Here are a few of our favorite headlines from ConnectingSingles:

• NEXT MOOD SWING: 6 MINUTES!!...just kidding :)
• I want it all... but I'd settle for some chocolate!
  
• Single, but you are welcome to change that....
  

Filter Unwanted People

Who needs to receive a lot of messages from people you will have no interest in dating? You may be looking for someone of a specific age in the San Francisco area and have no interest in hearing from people who are older or younger from other parts of the world that don't even share a common interest with you.

You can use your headline to improve dramatically the quality and relevance of your respondents. You can use your headline as a filter. For example:

"Looking to meet 27-35 year old male within 25 miles of San Francisco."

Now you don't have to sift through all the messages, since most people aren't going to waste your time with a message. Your headline does the heavy work for you. But keep it positive. A negative headline may turn people away from reading any further.

More examples?

• Like outdoor activities: camping, fishing, snow boarding, biking. Wanna go offroad with me?
  
• Brains and beauty seeks handsome and hard working
  
• I love Red Lobster. Do you?
  

Keep It Dynamic

Rotating your headline occasionally will help keep it fresh, and also help you gauge peoples' reaction to it.

Different headlines attract different people, so it's up to you to have some fun experimenting with it, and see what kind of people get in touch with you based on the headline that you are currently using.

Remember that your headline is an important part of your dating profile, right up there with your profile photo. So spend some time on it, and you'll be happy that you did.

First Date Dos and Don'ts

First dates can be hard for some people. The fear of screwing up can be paralyzing and blow our chances of there being a second date.

The good news is that it doesn't have to be that way. Here are some tips that may help you have a smooth first date.

Don't be late. Being late can give the impression that you don't care enough to make it there on time. Even worse, your date might feel embarrassed and leave, thinking you stood him/her up! If you're going to be late, make sure you let your date know, or at least have a really good excuse.

Make your date feel comfortable. Feeling anxious and nervous? Your date is feeling the same way. Have an ice breaker ready to open up the conversation and reduce the stress that you and your date are probably feeling.

The fear of making the wrong move or saying the wrong thing is what prevents many people from sharing or showing interesting aspects of their personality. This is the main reason why many first dates fail.

Be prepared with something of mutual interest for you both to have something to talk about. Be a good listener and ask questions that show that you are actually paying attention to what is being shared. Use this opportunity to learn more about your date.

Enjoy their jokes. We're not suggesting you have to fake loud laughter at every lame joke. But keep in mind that your date is looking for validation, just the way that you are. So if you hear a funny joke, have a blast. This will show your date that you are interested.

Keep the conversation alive. You know those situations where nobody can come up with anything to say, and there is an awkward silence, making you both feel uncomfortable? Here is an idea to avoid that: jot down some questions that you would like to ask your date. Learn the questions, don't actually carry the list with you. Ask one of these questions when you feel when you are entering one of those uncomfortable moments of silence.

Show interest. Remember that you are there to get to know your date, so show interest. Ask questions, and pay attention to the answers, and ask more questions. If your date tells you that they love reading, ask them about their favorite author, or any favorite titles in that genre. You get the idea... show interest in what your date is talking about, and the conversation will flow more easily.

Be creative with your date location. You don't have to go to the movies and a restaurant, you know? Be creative. There are hundreds of alternatives, original ideas that you could do when planning your date. Don't go for the obvious. (But remember that it is your first date, so choose a public location where you can both feel safe).

Be confident. A person with confidence is a lot more appealing than someone who is insecure. You are telling your date a lot when you are acting insecure. Do you really want to communicate that to your date? Show confidence, and you will both have a good time.

Going on a first date and meeting someone in real life for the first time is not the easiest thing to do, and it can be stressful for some people. Hopefully the tips in this article are helpful. Go out and have fun. If your expectations for the date are realistic and you simply make having a nice time your goal, you can't lose, even if the person you meets turns out not to be The One. If the date was fun for both of you, you have gained a nice experience and your time was not wasted. Hopefully, years from now, you'll look back at this date and laugh at how nervous you were and how fun it turned out to be.

Relax, you'll be fine.

Meeting Someone Online And Planning Real Dates

Online dating sites are a great place to meet new friends and potential romantic partners. The nice thing about an online dating site is that you don't need to dress up and pass any "visual inspection" at first. This gives you the chance for people to get to know you based on who you are, and not only on how you look.

Don't kid yourself though, the anonymity of sitting behind your computer does not give you a license to be dishonest or rude. In fact, as we suggested earlier, the more you let people see the "real you", the better chances you have of finding your other half. This is why so many friendships are formed on the forums and blogs.

How do you go from meeting people online to actually planning a real date?

Be honest
You don't like when someone is dishonest with you, do you? Well, you need to be open and honest with people up front. You don't have to share personal details with this online stranger, but don't pretend to be something or someone that you are not. Otherwise you are only going to be attracting people who are looking for the person that you are pretending to be not who you really are. This won't end well... sooner or later.

Be respectful
Be sensitive about other peoples' feelings and backgrounds, and think twice before making jokes about politics, religion or other sensitive topics. Silly jokes that you might consider innocent and funny could seriously hurt or offend people.

Don't fake photos
Misleading profile pictures are probably the most common source of disappointment in relationships that start on a dating site. We understand that you have no intentions of showing your worst photos, and that's fine. Just make sure that your picture is actually you, and that it's current and accurate of how you look today.

Develop common activities online
Think you found someone you want to go on a real date with? Don't just yet. Spend some time doing what we call "online dates", such as playing online games, chatting, or participating in the same forums. This will allow you to learn more about the person and see how s/he reacts in a variety of group and private situations.

Use this time to get to know each other better and make sure you really want to take things further and meet this person face to face. You need to feel comfortable with a person before you meet them face to face. Use caution and don't share personal information about yourself and your family early on. Use onsite features to get to know the member well first.

The meeting
So you decided that it's time to meet your online potential romantic partner. This is a big step. Always meet in a public place, somewhere that is busy, where you can feel comfortable and safe. Make sure that you let other people know where you are going to be and for how long. Ask a friend to call you during your date. This provides you with an opportunity to leave your date if you aren't feeling comfortable. If things are going well, you can still ask your friend to call you back later.

Be sure to use common sense, and take common sense precautions. We've already talked about the danger of online dating scams. It's easy to let your guard down after a few successful dates, but you can never afford to do this. Stay alert, and be safe, and enjoy meeting new people and making new friends online.

Scam Happens! Think First With Your Head - Then With Your Heart

Quality of the site is very important to us. We hate scam and do everything we can to prevent it here. But scammers are good at what they do and some get through the screens. It's sad that there are those who try to take advantage of people in this way.

Most Important!!:

ANYONE who asks for (or offers) money on a dating site for ANY reason is a SCAMMER! The excuses and reasons for needing money are amazingly diverse and creative! It may be for a sick relative, or to get them out of a legal jam in a foreign country, or they lost their wallet or passport while traveling, or their ex ran off with their money for rent or food for their children, or they need money to travel to visit you, or their car broke down and they can't come this weekend unless they get it fixed but they can't afford to pay for it until payday, or their flight to visit you suddenly got canceled and they need more money for an alternate travel plan, or they have or inherited a large amount of money and need a bank account to deposit it in your country, or they want to hire you for a job but need you to pay a certain travel company to come there, or they promise you a sexfull weekend but you need to pay for gas-bus-airline expenses ahead of time, or you have won a prize and need to send postage for mailing it, or your 'fabulous' photo has been chosen for a large billboard ad campaign and you need to send money and info to setup a portfolio, or they want to send you bogus cashiers checks to cash for them and then you send them the money for them, or they want to pay you a commission to take orders for online sales, then to collect the money and send to them, etc, etc. These are ALL SCAMS(!) and you will never see them or get your money back. You will spend a lot of time in regret of being duped and YOU may even get into trouble with your local law authority for some of these. REGARDLESS of what they tell you... sending them money will NOT 'help' you or anyone else... it will only subsidize a billion dollar a year illegal business and encourage this kind of internet abuse to continue. Don't Do It!

DON'T SEND MONEY or any info that is none of their business to gather!!

Be aware and Prevent Scam:

1) At ConnectingSingles, free onsite mailbox, chat and IM are provided to protect your anonymity. Use them and stay on the site for a while or until you feel VERY sure. Scammers will try to get you to communicate with them offsite quickly, away from the protection of site systems and member-reports that will eventually identify and expose them.

2) Don't be pressured to meet someone at another site that may be set up ONLY to tempt you with explicit or sexual photos IN ORDER TO gather your personal identity or credit card info for scam purposes.

3) Scam comes in many forms. It's sad to see how some website owners try shortcuts and scam other sites for free advertising. Sending someone to a site to solicit and draw members away with fake profiles is scam. It speaks poorly of their business ethics and is just plain tacky. Don't trust solicitors.

4) Don't give out personal info early-on. The email address or photos you send to an online stranger may be gathered for mailing lists (phishing) and misused for spam and scam. The 'real looking' photos they email TO you are likely the photos exchanged offsite with members like you who were encouraged to send the photos to the scammer after being promised a personal photo from the scammer in return.

5) Don't send private photos of yourself or family that might end up being used to
scam someone else.

6) Check out the following pages we created about dating scammers:

• Have you been scammed? Help us fight scammers!
  
• Current scams
  

7) Report them! We don't want anyone to get scammed. Read about the red flags on our scam-warning pages to become aware. Contact Us if you receive suspicious mail on the site. We encourage members to send reports, to protect other members, and to help in keeping scammers off of Connecting Singles.

8) Don't give up: Most people are honest and seeking someone special in their lives. But be extra leery of those who push you for your offsite email address, photos or personal info early-on, or who want to meet you at other URLs, or who get angry when you hesitate over their questionable requests. Trust your instincts. Don't be misled. We provide the features you need to get acquainted at ConnectingSingles without giving out your personal info...

Use the site to meet. Use caution to stay safe.

Online Dating, Scams, And How To Avoid Them

Many people have yet to grasp the reality that dating scams are not going away. You don't have to go online to be taken advantage of in love. Unfortunately, you can meet a dating scammer in any social setting.. in a bar or pub, at a singles party or dance class, on a cruise, in a social group or gathering, or at the gym. But the internet opens a whole new world for the very efficient groups of people who are completely devoted to tricking people into handing over their money to those they have misled to love and trust as their romantic partners. Most people say it could NEVER happen to them. But it can.

Rather than trying to hide the problem, at ConnectingSingles we strive to provide the safest environment possible. We believe that if our members are aware of the possibilities, they can beware of the problem and, therefore, prevent it before it even starts.

How do they work?

It all starts like an innocent online flirt, and in a surprisingly short amount of time and through a surprisingly few number of chats and emails, feelings grow progressively until the victim starts to feel an emotional attachment to the scammer. Usually the scammer will come up with an original and believable excuse for needing money. This can happen gradually or come out of the blue as a sudden emergency.

After the victim hands over the money, two things can happen: things can go BAD, or they can go WORSE.

When things go BAD:

When the scammer receives the money, he disappears, not to be seen online again.

Does this mean that this particular scammer is not going to scam again in the future? Unfortunately not! We never really get to meet the real identity of the scammer. We only knew his/her online persona. Once this is busted, s/he will create a new innocent-looking guy or girl and target the next victim.

When things go WORSE:

Believe it or not, the above scenario is not the worst.

If the scammer considers that there is more money to be ripped off this specific victim, s/he goes for more. S/he will make up new stories and new excuses to get the victim to keep handing over more and more money.

Unfortunately, due to the romantic connection that the victim thinks s/he is enjoying, s/he is already predisposed to believing the scammer's lies. Victims are typically kind and loving people who fall into 'taking care' of the scammer so naturally, without even thinking about what is really going on.

How can you protect yourself from scammers?

Unfortunately these people are good at what they do, otherwise they wouldn't be so successful at deceiving so many (often working on hundreds at one time). However, if you take into account some simple precautions, you can stay on the safe side of online dating:

• Refuse to send money for ANY reason! Repeat. NEVER SEND MONEY!
• Do not give your email to anyone you have just met. Scammers want your email address so they can communicate with you outside of the moderated environment we provide.
• More photos. Ask them to upload more photos to their profile showing them outside their home, inside their home, with the pet they told you about, with today's newspaper. Ask them to upload a photo of them next to their computer with the ConnectingSingles homepage or their profile open on the monitor. Most scammers use model's pictures they took from a modeling website or catalog. If they say they can't upload a photo to the site but will email it to you, remind them that if they can email the photo to you, they can also email or mail the photo to ConnectingSingles to be added to their profile for them free. Are you afraid your request may insult them, or they may get mad? You caution your children about things like this! Why should you not question an online stranger who you are considering taking into your life? And why should they get angry if they truly are as they have presented themselves?? Do you really want to get to know someone better who early-on gets mad at you over a simple reasonable request.
• Be patient. It takes time to find The One. Don't let anyone rush you. In the meantime while you're waiting for that to happen, make new friends on the site by posting in the forums, entering a journal in a ConnectingSingles blog, sending virtual cards and flowers, viewing or adding favorite youtube videos, taking or creating a quiz or a poll. There's lots to do at ConnectingSingles, and it's all totally free to do.
  

For a list of common warning signs check out our current scams page. We take preventing dating scam seriously at ConnectingSingles. More about dating scam in our next post.